On Nerves and Being Ready

It’s been about three months since I’ve posted anything on this blog. To be honest, I’ve been having mixed feelings about having a blog. I feel very nervous, exposed, and frankly silly. It’s scary to have people read it. And lately, I’ve been a bit of a mess.

mess

However! I am just returning to life after two weeks of vacation. It was fantastic. Really relaxing, refreshing, and just helped me get my head back on straight. During it, I didn’t do much writing or editing, but I’ve let myself off the hook for that. I needed the time and it worked wonders.

relax

In book news, I’m getting to quite an exciting time. In about six weeks, I’m planning on being ready to start querying THE NEW ROMANTICS to agents. I also have the opportunity to send it to an editor before the end of October, hence the timeline. I have some changes I have to make in the next week or two, then it’s polish, polish, polish. I have a great beta reader helping me out, plus a buddy helping me get my query letter up to snuff.

happy-dance

I’ve been posting snippets from my book on Twitter, too. Here’s my favourite line I wrote recently, during revisions:

Still, I’m nervous. I’m not convinced I’m ready. I’m not sure I’ll ever actually be ready. I know rejections are going to come – everyone gets them – but it’s still putting this thing that I made out into the world and asking people to like it. Scary!

breathe

But, as everyone worth anything has said some variation of, if you wait until you’re ready, you’ll be waiting the rest of your life. (Daniel Handler and Hugh Laurie come to mind.)

I took this blog down for a while because I was nervous what agents will think if they come looking for me. I’m worried about what my Twitter looks like, too. I’m generally anxious about everything to do with querying and being online and being a writer. But, a conversation with a great writing buddy of mine who recently started her own blog (Hi, Joy!) encouraged me to put it up again.

cat-hug

So here I am. I’m practicing putting things out into the world and asking you to like them. I’m not ready. It’s hard. But I’m trying.

Thanks for reading. ❤

bye14

Advertisements

On Fear

Hey dudes,

It’s been a super long time and I feel like I owe you a blog entry.

hugs.gif

So, those of you that know me know I have an anxiety disorder. It’s gotten loads better over the years through a lot of hard work and the occasional medication. I haven’t had a panic attack since I lived in my Ottawa apartment about five years ago. I can go out and, like, be with people. Honestly, it’s nothing short of a miracle.

miracle.gif

That doesn’t mean I’m not afraid. My body may not enter flight or fight mode over not being able to find a hair brush anymore (long story), but I still get very, very nervous over silly things.

Like my third book.

nervous2.gif

After two previous books of varying quality, I’m finally sitting down to write the book I’ve always wanted to write. And that’s a lot of pressure. I need to get it right, you know? So I’m terrified. What if I’m not a good enough writer to pull this off yet? What if no one wants to read what I have to say? WHAT IF IT’S TERRIBLE?!

nope.gif

I know, I know. Just write it. Get it down. You can’t edit a blank page and all that jazz. All my advice to other writers just spins through my head. I’m doing the best I can. I tried outlining and plotting, but I can’t. Looks like I’m a pantser and I’m just going to have to get this first draft written. I have a goal to write 300 words a day, just like I did for IT GIVES A LOVELY LIGHT, and this will get me a 70K first draft by the end of the year.

my emotions.gif

I use this great calendar by Karen Kavett and you should go check it out. I have the week of the May 24 weekend off to do writerly things. I have my second book, THE NEW ROMANTICS, out to my alpha reader so I can’t touch that until she gets around to it. So I’ll be heads down, writing THE SCARS WE BEAR.

Did I mention I’m terrified?

Me, two weeks from now:
nervous3.gif

Thanks for reading, folks. I won’t be doing a live blog of my week off this time, but I’ll post some updates, if y’all at interested. Follow me on the Twitter!

Talk soon ❤

bye12.gif